I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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