the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
