so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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