Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I could fuck to npr.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
