Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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