please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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