Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
