This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
