But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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