I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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