my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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