you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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