WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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