He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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