A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
