he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
