You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
