I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
