Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
