Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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