You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
