i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
