Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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