I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
