it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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