I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
