I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
