I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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