No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just google imaged poop.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
