I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
