is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
