you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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