UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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