moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
