i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Drunk is a universal language darling
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
