I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
