He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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