Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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