I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
