He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
