Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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