my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want a musical about memes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
