I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
