Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
