It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
