It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
