Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
