Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
