my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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