Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
