I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
