Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
