She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize