Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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